One Punch Man Bullshit
by akira0411
Summary: I'm really just making up random scenario's because I'm bored hopefully I'll update regularly. 100% random bullshit and crack
1. Chapter 1

Quote of the day: "Who is this sassy lost child"

* * *

Saitama: *outside jogging*

Sonic: *jumps out from a tree* FITE ME

Saitama: *killing a monster*

Sonic: *pops out of the drain* FITE ME

Saitama: looks at a man in a bunny costume handing out candy*

Sonic: *pops out of the costume wielding a Katana* FITE

Children: *loud screaming and crying

Saitama: Dude you fucked up

Sonic: Oh god don'tcry-

Random mom: *Slaps sonic* HOW DARE YOU

Saitama: *laughing his ass off*

* * *

Saitama: *taking a bath in the public bath house*

Sonic: *walks in* ah Saitama it seems that our fates are tied together for us to meet in such a place.

Saitama: ?

Saitama: *in bed*

Sonic: *crashes in though the window* Saitama it seems that we are destined to meet.

Saitama: Um.

Saitama: *at the supermarket* Oh look 50% off meat-

Sonic: *jumps out from a pile of 50% off meat* SAITAMA ITS FATE ACCEPT IT

Saitama* WHAT THE FUCK

* * *

Genos: Sensei do you have anyone you like

Saitama: Yes

Genos: *alert and ready to blast whoever the fuck is trying to get between him and Sensei* REALLY?!

Saitama: the old lady at the supermarket who gives discounts.

Genos: ...

* * *

Hero's association: *giving Genos a hero name*Genos is a strongindependent young adult who joined the S rank immediatelyand always managed to take care of the monsters assigned to him efficiently and quickly. He is truly a goodhero. The publicloves  
him and from our observations he has many fans and fan pages hemaysoon surpasssweet mask's popularity. His fighting style is very dangerous and effective against a large amount of monsters and is almost like a demon

will be named the Demon Cyborg

Hero's association: *giving Saitama a hero name* *looks at Saitama* let's *stiffled laughter* ppffftt namehim *slap on the arm from someone trying to not laugh* Caped Baldy *loud monkey laughter from everyone accompanied by slapping knees  
and

rolling on the floor*

* * *

Meh that's it for today save this story if you like it if this goes well then I might get off my lazy ass and make another one ╮ (一_一) ╭


	2. Chapter 2

Well hey I got one review that's enough for me thank you for reviewing me even though I wrote so little okay chapter 2 coming up maybe I should add some minor characters too

* * *

Quote of the day: "How dare you have a hot pot without cabbage!"

* * *

Okay so you know how like Genos is mostly made of metal since he's a cyborg.

Saitama: Genos I think it's best that you don't fight this monster

Genos: but Sensei I must fight monsters that are in your way!

Saitama: this one's magnetic tho

Genos: I can do it- *gets sucked towards the monster* FUC-

Saitama: why won't you listen

* * *

Saitama: Genos I'm gonna go out for a while you stay here-

Genos: what am I suppose to do all day while you're gone?

Saitama: I dunno what do you do when I'm usually gone?

Genos: *crying* WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK.

* * *

Genos: *making an account*

Computer: Confirm that you are not a robot

Genos:... *sweats*

* * *

Adventures of Genos's sleep talking episode 1:

Genos: *mumbling in his sleep* mm senses looks good with long flowing hair...zzzzz

Saitama: what the fuck Genos

* * *

Sonic: *buys a voodoo doll of Saitama*

Sonic: I shall finally get my revenge Saitama

Sonic: *pokes it with a needle*

Needle: *snaps in half*

Sonic: ...

At that moment sonic knew:

He fucked up


	3. Chapter 3

Quote of the day: You turned Genos into a piece of Modern Art!

* * *

Honestly we all know Genos's gender but what if we didn't?

Random person: are you a boy or a girl?

Genos: I am a cyborg

Random person: No I mean what is in your pants?

Genos: Metal.

* * *

Sonic: I've trained for years to become extremely fast and agile so my kills are quick, quiet and deadly

Genos: I've replaced almost all of my body parts with robotic bits so that I can become stronger

Saitama: I started punching and lost all my hair

* * *

Saitama: *stretching Genos's skin* man this skin feels really real and soft

Genos: uh Sensei if you pull to hard-

Saitama: *accidently rips of the skin* oh fuc-

* * *

Damnit guys I have no ideas so I'll just have to end it here then see yaaaaaa!


	4. Chapter 4

So you guys know that Kageyama Tobio shares the same voice actor as Genos. I present you Genos being Kageyama but in his own way.

Genos: *stares at a dog

Dog: *stares back*

Genos: *starts walking towards the dog*

Dog: BOrK *runs away*

Genos: …..

~At Saitama's house~

Genos: *Deep in thought*

Saiatma: Hey what are you thinking about?

Genos: *whispers quietly* I'm very worried about whether small animals like me. Do you think they're scared of me? What should I do I really want to pet a dog I haven't patted one in 2 years and I'm dying from the lack of physical affection you can only find in dogs and I- *continues rant*

Saitama: Genos shorten that shit down to 10 words or less.

Genos: I WANNA PET A FLUFFY DOG.

Genos: *Drinking milk happily*

Saitama: Why do you like milk so much?

Genos: Because milk is full of calcium and it is good for teeth and bones so I figured-

Saitama: Genos you don't have bones.

Genos: …

Genos: *Drinks milk angrily*

:


	5. Chapter 5

Tatsumaki is 28 years old not 10 or an alternate title: The cons and pros of being short as fuck

Tatsumaki: *walking into a bar*

Bar owner: Woah woah little missy you can't just waltz in here you have to be over 18 yah know?

Tatsumaki: YOU FUCKER I AM OVER EIGHTEEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT I'M OLD AS FUCK.

Tatsumaki: *Buying a ticket to the movies for an adult show*

Employee: Sorry sweetie you have to be over 18 to watch this movie.

Tatumaki: * shows her ID* I am over eighteen

Employee: ?

Employee: Sorry you can't use a fake ID!

Tatsumaki: The fuck do you mean fake this is real I'm 28 years old.

Employee: *Leans into the intercom* Can you send security over there's a small child trying to get into the movies as a 28 year old.

Tatsumaki: I AM 28 AND THIS IS A REAL ID YOU PLASTIC BIMBO.

Tatsumaki: * Buying a ticket to the movies for a pg movie*

Different Employee: Oh hello! One child ticket here!

Tatsumaki: *Cute voice* Thank you!

*Inner Tatsumaki*: YOUHAVEBEENFOOLED.


End file.
